From the minute you announce you are pregnant you are pretty much announcing…yep a few months ago we did have sex and yep this is what happens kids….
All your inhibitions go straight out the window when you have a baby. Right from the very first time you see the midwife she knows you’ve done the dirty and that’s why you’re there. It’s all a bit personal from the word go.
And you’d think that labour is probably the most intimate thing you’ll ever experience but that’s just the start. As a mum you spend hours talking about nipples, stitches, poo, periods, it never ends. It’s a big old feat to carry a baby and a massive achievement to push it out so any chance you get to talk about your warts and all experience, you grasp with both hands.
It was a running joke for years amongst my friends that I’d flashed “down there” to them on a drunken night in Marbella. This running joke embarrassed me a lot. I mean who wants to see that part of their friend? But now I have lost count on how many of my friends have seen my nipples. And most of the time my baby is hanging off of them.
My mummy friend and I (only 6 weeks between our babies) went into great detail post labour about what condition our bits were now in. Erm never before have I been compelled to let anyone know what “down there” looks like. Now I’m pretty confident I could describe hers to an e-fit artist and it would be a match.
And the social boundaries continue to be broken by the baby once it’s arrived. Dex is so good at vomiting on people. It wasn’t too bad when he was just on milk, although having my boob juice explode on someone’s shoulder did often creep me out, but now he’s on food, it stinks! And when was it ever acceptable to poo whilst sitting on someone’s lap?
Right I’m off now to write another text apologising for orange puke on carpet.
Until you read again
Mummy over and out