Surviving

Recently the OH shifts have changed at work meaning he’s working most evenings and nearly every weekend. Whilst this was never a problem when it was just Dexter to look after, there is now a colicky baby added to the mix and I’m finding myself wishing the hours would pass quickly instead of just trying to enjoy the here and now.

I feel like I’m rushing through Dexter’s bedtime before the witching hour starts and Blake kicks off. Or I’m jiggling her around to stop her from crying whilst speed reading Fireman Sam in “Naughty Norman Saves the Day”. Or she’s screaming at the top of her lungs and the poor boy doesn’t even notice!

But what hurts the most is that I can’t help her. I try 1000 different things every night. White noise, remedies, cuddling, feeding, music, lights on, lights off, swinging, sling wearing, bouncing, you name it, I’ve tried it.

I’m resigned to the fact my evenings are now spent looking after an upset baby, rather than enjoying hot food and watching TV. I’m considering selling the sofa as it’s now longer required and I’m focusing on butt clenches everytime I’m standing up, winding her. I’m trying my hardest to stay calm and not call the OH whilst he’s at work as there really is nothing he can do to help except send words of encouragement.

Now I know that there are so many other single parents out there that live this every single day and I completely take my hat off to you all. I count the hours until the OH comes home to help, to rescue me, to take over, to soothe us both. And I never feel guilty that he’s only just finished work and has to get stuck in straight away. I never feel guilty because the kids are our kids and both our responsibility. It’s down to both of us to look after them. Yes I’m on maternity leave but it doesn’t mean I’m like the hired help at home. We all get stuck in and share the load.

But it’s the weekends that are a real struggle, especially if I’m running on empty and running around after a toddler. He’s more energised and talkative than anyone I’ve ever known. It’s just awesome to have a little companion but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish he’d just stop bloody talking for 30 minutes to give my ears a break. I think my favourite shift that the OH does is the split one, meaning he’s out ALL day and ALL night. It is pretty sucky.

But on a positive spin our weekends and our time together now fall on a Wednesday & Thursday, handy that I’m on maternity leave I guess, or we’d never see one another.

I know the colic will pass and I know the the toddler sometimes stops talking when the TV is on, but until then, if you see me, a hug is most welcome.

Thanks for reading

Mummy over and out

Lx

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