Whilst You’re Here

We’re a busy, noisy household. 2 adults, 2 children, 1 cat and who knows how many fish. The toddler craves routine, the cat cries and stalks you if you dare feed him late, and the baby is settling herself into a nice cycle of eat, sleep, play that I really don’t want to mess with.

Whilst we welcome visitors with wide open, regurgitated milk covered arms, it’s worth knowing what you should expect when you visit the K-D’s…..

1. Leave your shoes in the hall. Only the cat is allowed to traipse mud up the stairs. If you can purr like him and sit on my lap providing hot water bottle-type warmth, then feel free to keep them on.

2. If you’ve been in our house for longer than 20 minutes and you’ve not been offered a drink, then just ask for one (obviously only if you really want one!) If you are a guest in our house, that means we like you, so leave the politeness at the door. Even better, stick the kettle on yourself. Chances are I’m stuck to the sofa with a baby on my boob anyway.

3. If you come round when the toddler is there, expect to get stuck in. If you don’t he’ll talk over you and ask you the most ridiculous questions until you give in and play on the floor with him.

4. Witching hour is between 6 – 7pm. If you are visiting during this time, expect to be utilised. Duties include: jiggling a baby, reading a story, winding a baby, lining up cuddly toys, fetching muslins and singing songs.

5. If you ring the doorbell after 6pm and before 7:30pm, don’t expect it to be answered. We live in a town house with A LOT of stairs and traipsing down whilst bedtime is happening isn’t an option. Mainly because I’m scared that the toddler would try to bath the baby.

6. If you come round childless to consume food, especially hot food, expect to hold the baby if needed. You get to consume hot food every day, I don’t. Let me enjoy food the right way, hot and using both a knife and fork.

7. Please keep track of any conversation we are having because there is a massive chance I shall flit between an average of 17 different ones.

8. Talk about yourself. I want to hear about real life. Office politics, gossip or just a general moan, I want to hear it all please!

9. Always bring wine. It’s 5pm somewhere.

Thanks for reading

Mummy over and out

Lx

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