The Elephant

I lost my shit today, sadly with those that care the most about me, my family. I lost my shit over something that wasn’t their fault, but something that has been bubbling up inside of me for a while.

Blake has eczema, the same as Dexter had, but sadly it’s on her face so very visible.

Now if Blake had a birth mark on her face, would people mention it? If Blake had any deformation to her face, would anyone suggest a way to fix it? Probably not. Poor Blake has a very sore looking face, covered in scabs and dry face, and it seems open house for people to comment on it.

Some comments I’ve heard….”Oh that looks sore”, “She’s bleeding you know”, “Have you tried putting some cream on it?”, well I don’t need to say anymore! Why do people pass judgement and offer “advice”, suggesting that I might not be doing everything in my power to help her?

My girl is beautiful, her face is angelic with a little cherub chin, big Blue eyes and a button nose. Her forehead scrunches up when she smiles and she has the biggest dimples on her cheeks. But along with these perfect features she also has red raw scabs all along her face and hairline as she scratches faster than you can grab her hands. Changing her is often a 2 man job as she’s crafty and can even scratch the back of her legs with her feet and draw blood. I nibble her nails daily whilst feeding her, I’ve purchased some scratch sleeves for her to wear, I even cover her hands every night to stop the bleeding and torment but she self soothes by sucking her fingers so doesn’t sleep longer than an hour or so without having one hand free to suck. I’ve used all sorts of creams, potions, gels and methods, the GP has accused me of neglect because of her face getting infected, and the cries omitting from her out of pure fucking frustration at not being able to scratch just breaks my heart.

I’m so sick of being judged, or rather feel like I’m being judged. I’m also sick of talking about it to people, as I feel like I’m just repeating myself more than a toddler on haribo. I’m doing everything I possibly can to make her feel better. I wish I could take it for her, deal with the scratching, deal with the pain, but I can’t. Watching her writhe around in pain and frustration is torture, and all I can do is try and make her comfortable and keep trying to find a cure. 

So to the old lady in Tesco last week, if you peer in my buggy and see a beautiful baby with a weeping, bloody face, just say she’s beautiful,  cause she really, really is. And to the very young locum GP that doesn’t have children, please don’t suggest I’m sitting back and watching my baby suffer.

Thanks for reading (and letting me rant)

Mummy over and out


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